The Special Agent In The Leather Jacket
by JoeNobody
Summary: It's the Halloween after "The Anthropologist In The Miniskirt," and Bones is looking for her revenge. Warning: major meta alerts. Bonus points to the first reviewer who identifies the last two costumes correctly.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note:**__ OK, I'm not making any more comments about whether or not I'll write more. If inspiration strikes me, I will; if it doesn't, I won't._

_This story is dedicated to a certain "Wonder Woman," and it's a sequel to "The Anthropologist In The Miniskirt."_

**The Special Agent In The Leather Jacket**

Seeley Booth looked at the bed. Temperance had laid out five suit bags on it, just for him.

"Bones, why am I letting you pick my Halloween costume this year?"

"Because you owe me for last year."

"Aw, come on, it wasn't that bad, was it?"

"I will admit that I didn't mind too much all the people coming up to me, making a Rabbinical blessing gesture, and telling me to 'live long and prosper.' But that one creepy guy who kept asking me about something called 'pon farr...'"

"Yeah, he was a jerk. But did you have to deck him?"

Bones considered for a second. "Yes, I believe I did. But apparently I should have clenched his trapezius instead..."

Booth sighed. "And why are there five bags here?"

"Because, unlike you, I want to give you a choice. I will not just subject you to public humiliation."

"Kind of like the condemned man's last meal?"

"I don't know what that means."

"Just before a prisoner is executed, he's given whatever he wants for his last meal."

Bones paused. "That seems a humane gesture, somewhat akin to how..."

Booth interrupted her – he was in no mood for a lecture on the rituals of some obscure tribe from halfway around the world. "Fine, let's just get this show on the road." He picked up the first bag, unzipped it, and promptly threw it across the room. "Bones, there's no way in hell I'm wearing a clown costume!"

"But I talked it over with Sweets, and he said it would be a good step towards overcoming your coulrophobia."

"My what?"

"Your fear of clowns."

"I don't have a 'fear' of clowns, I just hate them." He sighed. "Bones, I was going to have a 'no' pile and a 'maybe' pile. That corner over there," he pointed at the bag with the clown costume, "is the 'hell, no!' pile."

"Fine, Booth. Keep going."

He picked up the next bag and unzipped it, and briefly considered throwing it across the room. Stars, stripes, and a big double-W grabbed his eyes. "Bones, there is no way in hell I'm wearing your Wonder Woman costume!"

Bones said nothing, just shrugged and smirked.

Booth really wanted to throw this outfit, too, but while Bones had said she wouldn't repeat a Halloween costume, he might persuade her to wear it on some other occasion. And that lasso raised some interesting possibilities. He zipped it back up and laid it gently atop the clown suit.

Bag number three held a lab coat. "Huh?"

Bones explained. "I really didn't like that 'squint' costume you wore several years ago. This is your chance to do it right. I also have some rather fashionable glasses with clear lenses, as well as a Tablet PC loaded with appropriate reference works."

That earned the bag a place on the "maybe" pile – but barely. Booth thought it sounded incredibly dull.

Bag number four, though, had serious potential. Riding boots, snug suede pants, a maroon shirt, suspenders, a clunky-looking fake gun with holster, and a long brown leather duster. "Not bad, Bones. I think I can work with this one. It's kinda dull for a cowboy, though."

"It's my understanding that it's a 'space cowboy' suit."

"Huh?"

"That's what I said, but the shop owner insisted it was very popular several years ago."

"Whatever. That's definitely a possibility." That left just one bag.

"OK, Bones, I think we have our winner." Booth slipped on the black pants, black T-shirt, and black leather jacket. "I don't know where this look is going, but I think whatever it is, I can definitely pull it off."

"OK, good. Now I just have to properly accessorize you."

"Accessorize me?"

"Just a few touches to complete the look. Sit down." He promptly planted himself on the edge of the bed as she took out a bottle of mousse. "I just have to adjust your hair a bit..."

A moment later, she stopped. "That looks about right."

"Do you mind if I check this in a mirror?" Booth asked.

"That won't do any good..."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Fine, go ahead." Booth ducked into the bathroom.

What she had done to his hair was... odd, to say the least. His normally military-close crop was now swept up, in a style a British SAS guy he'd known in Afghanistan had called "poncy." Still, he thought he could handle it for one night. It wasn't like Bones was asking him to do it for eight years. In fact, he kind of liked it – it had a "dark avenger of the night" vibe that he somehow found oddly familiar and comfortable.

He returned to the bedroom. "OK, Bones, this is it. Time for you to get your costume on."

"One minute, there's one last thing I need to do to finish off your look. She took a jar out of the bottom of the suit bag.

"What's that?"

She opened the lid, and began sprinkling the contents over him. "Body glitter. From my research, an essential part of this costume is that you have to appear to sparkle..."


	2. Afterword

**Afterword:**

I had a few people ask "how did you come up with this," so here's the answer. If you're not interested in the nuts and bolts behind this story, feel free to skip it.

The initial idea came from "The Mummy In The Maze," which I re-watched just to see Bones totally rock the Wonder Woman outfit. That led to the idea of Booth exploiting Bones' cultural ignorance to dress her up as a Vulcan Starfleet officer (hence the Sciences blue) from the original Star Trek, and how purely analytical Bones would critique the outfit

But that left an unanswered question: "OK, if Bones got to pick Booth's costume, what would she pick for him?"

My first thought was a real "squint," not his exaggerated nerd.

Then I thought about her giving him her "Wonder Woman" costume, and his absolute refusal on that one.

Then it clicked. At a sci fi convention I attended, there was a T-shirt for sale that said "And then Buffy Staked Edward. The End." I Googled up images of "Edward Twilight," and damn if the style didn't bear a passing resemblance to Angel's of the Buffyverse, even to the poofy, poncy hair. (Check it yourself!) At that point, it was a foregone conclusion: Bones would dress up Booth as kind of Angelic, then give him the sparkle. So, so, very meta, it was a moral imperative that I write it.

But I didn't want to lose the first two costume ideas, so I decided she'd give him a choice.

Unfortunately (or, rather, fortunately), I was stuck at work, and they frown on my writing while on the clock. So the idea kept bouncing around in my head, and the notion of Booth dressed up as Firefly's Captain Malcolm Reynolds also made perfect sense – especially when you consider that Nathan Fillion had audtioned for the part of Angel when they were casting for Buffy. So there was costume #4.

I had to review "The Mummy In The Maze" for the proper Halloween references, and at the end, Booth asks Brennan "now can you see why I hate clowns?" That clinched it. I had to toss in a clown costume, too. However, while I would give that to Booth purely to dick with him, Bones never would. So I had to rationalize it for her, so here comes Sweets meddling where he shouldn't.

From there, it was just a matter of putting the suits in order, with the Twilight one as the last.

The only tough part was the ending – do I end it with the sparkling, or do I have Booth violently react and hurl the outfit into the corner? I decided to cut it off with the introduction of the glitter, leaving the possibility that Booth would not recognize the significance and go with the costume – or he would utterly reject it. I'd leave that up for the readers to decide on their own.

Now my four stories pair up quite nicely, a symmetry I find quite appealing. Again, thanks for all the favoriting, the following, and especially the reviews and private messages. It's the feedback that is the best reward.


End file.
